Ashes to ashes..dust to dust

Note: I wrote this yesterday, a day after Ash Wednesday and just forgot to post.

Yesterday’s celebration (can we even call it that??) of Ash Wednesday signalled the beginning of Lent for us Catholics. For the first time in years, I followed the Lenten rituals of the Church which included (1) attending mass (2) having ashes imposed on my forehead (3) fasting or self-denial (a.k.a abstinence).

I know that we are really expected to do all three but for several years, I only managed to do one of the above —at best. I always conjured excuses not to do any one at all. Example: 2 years ago, I refused to fast or abstain from meat because I was pregnant and reasoned that the growing baby needed all the available protein I could eat. When I was barely emancipated, I told my dad that I needed to be excused from the Church’s practice because I was not yet legally an adult and so the Church should consider me one too. All quite flimsy I know but the point being, I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t just see the point.

But yesterday was different. Very different. From the moment I woke up, I had resolved to give up one full meal(breakkast—which for me, is the most important meal of the day) and not to eat rice during lunch as a sacrifice. I also attended mass at the office alongside colleagues and had ashes imposed on my forehead. At the end of the day, I felt like a real Catholic. And a proud one at that.

I do not mean to brag about what I did yesterday —far from it. I guess I only want to share that despite my initial apprehensions, going through the rituals of Ash Wednesday made it even more significant for me. I also realized, thanks to Fr. Larry Tan’s very inspiring albeit entertaining homily, repentence and Lent in general, is not just about making sacrifices or blindly following the rituals imposed by the Church. It is all about striving to be a better and God-fearing person each and every day. It’s all about being sorry for making mistakes and striving not to commit the same ones again in the future. It’s about making peace with everything and everyone around you. It’s about being in peaceful commune with your Creator —whatever name you choose to call Him.

Someday, I will have to teach Anton why we go through all these motions. And I just don’t want to say the words and preach what I know. I have to show him by example, I want to practice what I will preach. I want him to experience the meaning behind rituals in our lives. And I guess to do that, I first have to experience it all by myself.